Category Archives: change

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‘Pay It Forward’ is working in the real world

A few years ago I wrote a blog post about the movie ‘Pay It Forward’. I asked what would happen if people actually started trying to do that in real life. I tried for a while to get a

group of people together to go out and do things for others. It was a lot of fun and we did some pretty great stuff over the next few months. Life happened and the group we had all moved away and kind of lost touch. That was the start and finish of my attempt to get Tulsa/Broken Arrow to ‘Pay It Forward’. There is a city that has had a lot more success that we had over the long run. This city is now being called by some “The Kindest City in the World.”

 

Winnipeg is that city. I ran across an article Winnipeg’s Residents Pay It Forward and I had to stop and read it. What I found was pretty awesome. The movement seems to be taking the city by storm. Here is a short portion of that article:

“Last month, we reported the story of a kindhearted bus driver who took off his own shoes to give to a homeless man on the street one cold morning.

Recipients of other random acts of kindness have taken to writing in to the Winnipeg Free Press to share their experiences.

“I would like to thank all the kind people who stopped to help me recently when my car was rear-ended,” Paul Chute wrote. “I am especially grateful to an off-duty paramedic who came to my rescue and made sure I was okay and stayed with me until the ambulance arrived.”

These aren’t the only stories, they just keep coming. They started a Facebook event called, “Winnipeg Pay it Forward Day” and if you scroll through there you will see even more stories of people doing nice things for others simply to be nice. No one is getting paid, no one is getting recognition, it is just being nice because it is the right thing to do.

What if this happened in the town your live in right now? What would it look like if we were doing nice things just because we wanted to do nice things? It is a challenge to me to step outside of my normal routine and do something for someone else. Why not start today where you live? It is not going to hurt anything. If it doesn’t sweep through your whole city (like it is in Winnipeg) then at least a few people will have smiles on their faces that might not have had a smile before. It doesn’t take much to change someones life. That goes for positive and negative change. I think you should try to make someone smile today.

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Republican National Convention, Isaac, Mormons, Chick-fil-a, Clint Eastwood…what about the 19 people beheaded in Afghanistan this week?

The headlines over the past week have been filled with one sensational story after another. I have seen coverage of the Republican National Convention, Hurricane Isaac, Mormons, Chick-fil-a, and a speech by Clint Eastwood. What I haven’t seen is any real response to the two short stories I read about 19 people being beheaded in Afghanistan this week.

The first article I read was that 17 people (men and women) were beheaded in Afghanistan after they went to a co-ed dance party. Then today there was an article about two children that were beheaded. Now I understand that we are a country that seems to be pretty wrapped up in ourselves and our own problems, but how can there be almost no comments on people getting their heads chopped off? You know it is 2012 right? I didn’t think we stood for things like that anymore? I thought that people had rights and that if we saw those rights being violated we would stand up and do something…or at least say something. What happened to KONY 2012? Why are we more worried about a surprise guest speaker at a convention than we are about people being murdered in the streets?

I know it is an election year. I know we are looking for change, no matter what side you want to win the election. That doesn’t seem like the only thing going on in the world right now, but it is the only thing people seem to be talking about. Perspective is gained when you look at the whole picture. I think that every once and a while it wouldn’t hurt all of us to take a look at what is happening outside of our normal circle. Maybe look at some things that don’t have any real direct affect on you. You don’t have to do any of that, I just thought it would be a nice change of pace.

Click on the picture. Read the article. Form an opinion.

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No one laughs at God in a hospital, no one laughs at God in a war…

My brother made a CD called “Girl Power” and it was (surprise, surprise) all women singing. I had heard it once or twice before, but yesterday my fiance replaced my Johnny Cash CD with the “Girl Power” CD for the ride back to her apartment. This morning on my way to work a song came on that caught me off guard and made me stop and think. It is called, “Laughing With” by Regina Spektor. Here is the music video:

It is easy to dismiss God sometimes as we go on through our busy lives. Then there are those times when our world comes crashing down and who do we turn to? Her perspective seems pretty good to me. Some of her lines were pretty powerful. I will leave you with just a couple of those lines:

God could be funny
When told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus
God can be so hilarious

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one’s laughing at God
When they’ve lost all they’ve got and they don’t know what for

There are those around you who are NOT laughing at God, they are going through something bigger than they know how to handle. Reach out to the hurting. Do what you can, when you can. We all have so much to give, even if it is just a kind word or a smile. You can change a life.

If you are looking for a tangible way to change a life right now CLICK HERE. The One, Inc. is helping keep people alive. If you don’t want to help here, help somewhere. We all have a part to play.

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Tragedy brings unity, Norwegians come together to sing

It is a touching scene described in an article HERE where 40,000 Norwegians joined together to sing “Children of the Rainbow” on Thursday. They all came together to sing this specific song to “get under the skin of admitted mass killer Anders Behring Breivik.”

He listed this song as an example of Marxist influence on Norwegian culture. There were a couple ladies who didn’t agree and so they started a Facebook event to have people come together and sing. They expected a few dozen people but ended up with an estimated 40,000! That is an awesome display of unity, even if singing a song to annoy someone seems like an interesting outlet for that unity.

It made me think of what happened here in the U.S. after 9/11. Everyone was holding hands, lighting candles, praying with and for each other.

There seems to be a built in part of the human spirit that will unite in times of tragedy…as long as the tragedy is close enough to home.

Do you remember earlier this year when the Kony 2012 phenomenon was sweeping the nation? I guess to some extent it is still going although it is no longer the headline that everyone is reading. That was something about that which made me pause and think. People in the U.S. were finally focused on at least one of the atrocities that happen every day around the world. Now I’m not sure what wearing the t-shirt   or sharing the video Kony 2012 actually is going to do to assist in making actual change, but to see everyone united for a cause that did not impact them directly was pretty awesome.

My only question is why does it take tragedy for people to look past their own lives and past their prejudice to unite together for the common good? Why is it that when things are going good we get consumed with ourselves and our lives. Think of the unity and community you felt after 9/11 and how different that is right now when people start talking about the upcoming elections or the state of the economy.

Can we change that? Can we cross the lines that we draw during the good times without having a tragedy? Thoughts?

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‘The grass is always greener’ and other lies we believe

A few years ago I was walking through the airport on my way to my gate and I stopped at the gift shop. I usually bring a book to read but this time I didn’t so I walked up to the book section. I found one that immediately grabbed my attention. It was about a concept that I had never really thought about. What if we really did get all the things we wanted when we wanted them? Would that make us happy? The conclusion the writer came up with was no. The joy we find in life is from the things we go through every day that we didn’t think we were going to go through. I was going to buy the book, but it was a hardback copy and it was over priced (as everything is at the airport) so I just told myself I would buy it when I got home. I didn’t buy it. I have been looking for it ever since. The problem is that I don’t remember the name!

The reason I am bringing this story up right now is because of a discussion I had yesterday. On twitter a question was posed: “When I get what I want, will I want what I’ve got?”

My response to that was, “No. People want what they don’t have, the hunt is where the thrill exists.” I guess the problem with this is that I was not talking about myself, I was talking about people in general.

It made me stop and take a look at myself. Do I think that the grass is really greener on the other side of the fence? Am I only interested in the “hunt” and not on actually getting what I say I want. The conclusion I came to is sometimes. It freaked me out to think that I might be part of the group that is more interested in chasing things than in actually getting what I want, so I decided do some soul searching and some research.

According to everything I could find online it takes an income of $75,000 per year right now to be happy. I found multiple articles and studies that said this was the magic number and here is one of the articles: “How Much Money Makes You Happy?”

I don’t make $75,000 per year currently. At no point in my life have I made $75,000 per year up to this point. I am a happy guy. I really am happy. One of the things I found out in my research is that people stress about money a lot! I have seen that in the lives of friends and family. I am not really one to stress about money. I don’t need stuff. There is no bigger, better, nicer thing that I am saving my money to get. I am not running up credit cards so I can out-do my neighbors. That is just not who I am. I’m not saying that I am somehow the only person who is not materialistic and consumed with stuff. I know a lot of people who are less worried with what they have than they are in how much they can help someone else.

This all made me realize a few things. First off, there are a lot of people consumed with themselves and their own stuff. If the research that was done is correct than wow…we are really all about things in America today. I guess I knew that, but hadn’t thought about it in a while.

Another thing it made me realize is that there is so much more in life than just me and my stuff. When we get our eyes off of us and onto how we can make a difference we can change lives. There are people who change lives every day. People who do a lot more than me…and probably more than you too. I’m not trying to make anyone feel guilty for having stuff. If you make over $75,000 then that is awesome for you!

My only question is will you help someone else or will you keep it just for you and yours? I find that helping people with what I have been given is way more rewarding and brings me more happiness than spending it on myself. I know I can’t be alone in that.

I know a guy who gives more than he takes. You may or may not agree with everything he says or exactly how he does what he does…but he helps people that others ignore. Take a second and consider helping him help others. If not him, find someone or something you believe in and make a difference. We can change the world for the better. We just have to get our eyes off of ourselves.

Go to http://www.theoneinc.org/ or click the picture below.

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Dad’s Matter…probably more than you thought

My Dad pointed out how many times pro athletes yell out, “Hi Mom” or how many times in awards ceremonies movies stars thank their Mom’s…but not their Dad. It was strange to me how that always seemed to be the case. I started looking for it after he mentioned it to me and he was right. All of the stories of the guys in the draft where the players lived a hard life…how many of them had fathers in their lives? With the NFL draft coming up, take a look. Watch the specials they put together. Listen to the men on the platform and who they thank.

Recently I read an article that had some startling statistics (you can read the entire article here) and I am going to put some of them here since I know most of you won’t click through to read the whole article:

  1. 43% of US children live without their father [US Department of Census]
  2. 90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
  3. 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes. [Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, pp. 403-26, 1978]
  4. 71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father. [U.S. Department of Health and Human Services press release, Friday, March 26, 1999]
  5. 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
  6. 85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. [Center for Disease Control]
  7. 90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with only their mother. [Wray Herbert, “Dousing the Kindlers,” Psychology Today, January, 1985, p. 28]
  8. 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. [National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools]
  9. 75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes. [Rainbows for all God’s Children]
  10. 70% of juveniles in state operated institutions have no father. [US Department of Justice, Special Report, Sept. 1988]
  11. 85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home. [Fulton County Georgia jail populations, Texas Department of Corrections, 1992]
  12. Fatherless boys and girls are: twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems. [US D.H.H.S. news release, March 26, 1999]

Some of these stats are pretty intense in my opinion…and still there is no sense of urgency for fathers to be a part of their kids lives. I see it every day. A single mother, working two jobs and doing the best she can. Usually she has the support of her family and friends and I know some awesome single mothers who do a great job. Please don’t take this as an attack on mothers and the amazing job they do with their children.

I was fortunate to have both parents raise me. I had a strong family unit, so I don’t know what it is like to spend weekends with one parent while being raised by the other one. I don’t know what it is like to only have one parent at all. I know I was blessed to be raised in the family I was born into and I am thankful for that.

The reason I wrote this blog was because from what I see going on around me there is a lack of men standing up and taking part in their children’s lives. There wouldn’t be stats on it if it was not happening. 85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home…that should bother the men who decided not to be fathers. I know there are exceptions. There are times when these men should NOT be around the child. I get that…but that can’t always be the case.

I don’t have any children. I know I’m not qualified to speak on how we need to fix this problem. What about something like this: The Fathering Project 

What if there were more things like this to help men be the fathers they need to be so that we don’t repeat the past. If we keep doing the same thing we are doing now, we will continue to get the same results.

It just seems to me that there is a problem and people are not talking about it. All I wanted to do was give you the information and get you thinking. What can we do?

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Why I stopped arguing with people…even when I’m right

Some people may not agree that I don’t argue with them…my younger brother is probably on that list. I guess I don’t argue with people nearly as often as I used to. That might be a more accurate description of my life.

I used to be convinced of two things:

1. I was right about pretty much everything.

2. I needed to let you know when you were wrong.

(yes…sometimes I was THAT guy)

I no longer agree with this line of thinking.

Now people matter more to me than always having to show everyone that I am right, but that was not always the case. When I was young I would argue about anything and everything just to prove to you that I knew more than you. I got older, found out I was not always right and also that arguing with people is simply a waste of time. It is a waste of my time and their time.

I have a couple reasons why I think it is a waste of time. First of all, my arguing with you is not going to make you change your mind. All it is going to do is make you mad at me, even if I prove that you are wrong. People make choices based on cost vs. reward. If the reward out weighs the cost then they will do that. That is where the problem I have seen comes into play. We all make decisions on the cost vs. reward based on flawed logic, faulty information and insider information. Let me explain.

Since people need examples for things to make sense I’m going to give you an example of what I consider to be flawed logic and I will make it a current example pulled from the headlines of the current election. Mitt Romney said that he is not worried about the “very poor” or the “very rich” in America. Now the very rich I can understand. They are doing just fine. He said and I quote, “We have a safety net there. If it needs repair, I’ll fix it…” Now in my opinion he believes what he is saying. He also is looking at this through flawed logic. The “very poor” are not doing ok…they are VERY POOR! A safety net may keep them alive, but that does not make them anything but alive very poor people! We may not agree on this one, but that is fine. You can probably take my writings and find some flawed logic that you can point out to me.

 

Faulty information is another reason people make decisions that are wrong even though they think they have weighed the cost vs. reward. This can range from big to small decisions. We all believe some things that simply aren’t true. The problem is this, we believe they are true! If you are convinced that 2 + 2 = 5 then you will never be able to come up with the all the right answers in a math class. Until you change what you believe you will add things up incorrectly.

Finally there is insider information. What I mean in this case by insider information is not what you probably think I’m talking about so I will explain. What I mean is that we all have intentions, motives and reasons we do things. We might make one decision because we know about another decision we are going to have to make in the future. No one else knows all your insider information. We don’t know your motives. We don’t know what really drives you. So to the outside world (everyone else) your cost vs. reward balance is not correct.

That brings me to the reason that I stopped fighting. I know I already lost some of you, but for those still reading here it is. I stopped arguing with people because I can’t change any of the factors that go into their cost vs. reward. I have argued with people and shown them that their logic is flawed and they still didn’t change their mind. Most of the time all I did was make them more upset. When someone believes something that is not true then there are very few times you can get them to change that belief by arguing with them. Also if someone has bigger reasons why they are doing something and that information is not something they want to share then there is truly no reason to argue.

I find it easier for everyone if I just smile and go on my way. If you want my opinion you can ask. I will tell you what I believe to be the truth. What I know now that I didn’t know before is that even when you prove that someone is wrong, they don’t always change their mind or agree with you. I live by the law of love. Loving people is giving them the truth but also knowing when loving the other person is more important than proving to them that you are right.

 

I have seen marriages end, friendships broken and countless people hurt because someone HAD to prove that they were right. When showing you know best or know more becomes more important than the other person then YOU are the one who is working with flawed logic. People matter the most. Keep that in perspective and you will be happier and more fulfilled…at least I am. Love always wins in the long run, no matter what the news says.

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Do you have a case of the Monday’s…do something nice for someone!

So I have had several people tell me they woke up in a bad mood over the past couple days. In my Facebook feed there is a constant stream of people saying how they are having a bad day or they are wishing their day as already over. On Monday I woke up and was not all that happy to be going to work. Now I enjoy my job and even if I don’t want to be there I will still be smiling. I got to work and several things just didn’t go the way I wanted them to go. Typical Monday…at least that was my attitude for a little while.

It was not very long before I remember that my Monday was a whole lot better than some. A friend of mine had her house struck by lighting and it caught on fire on Sunday. Her Monday morning was not very enjoyable. There were two shootings on Monday morning. One in downtown Little Rock and one a couple miles away from me in Bryant! Multiple people were dead from the shootings. How many family members and friends would have loved to trade places with me for that Monday morning. What about all the people who are living on the street in your town or all the people who don’t have a job that are looking but can’t find one? Do you think their Monday morning was worse than mine?

I think we lose perspective sometimes. We get so focused on what is going on in our own little world that we forget that there are others around us that need help. I’m not talking about the people in a third-world country that are dying of starvation today (because they exist…but you ignore commercials about them every day.) I’m talking about the people in your community that need help. I’m talking about the cashier who was rude to you, but she didn’t mean to be rude…her husband just lost his job and the only income they have is her part-time job. I’m talking about the person who waits in line under the bridge only to find out that they don’t have any shoes his size so he will have to go to his interview in the same soaking wet sneakers he has on right now.

If you don’t actually know anyone who needs help then help someone who does. The Van is part of The One, Inc. and they know people who need help. If you don’t think that is who you want to help…find someone else to help. It will bring you back to reality. Your day is not as bad as you think, even if it is a Monday. On my worst day I am more blessed than so many people. I’m healthy, I have family, friends, a job, a house, a car, food to eat and clothes to wear. Remember that you are one disaster away from being the person you ignore.

 

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Live your quotes…

I am adding myself into the group of people discussed in this post. If you follow me on twitter or we are friends on Facebook then you know I post a decent amount of quotes. Quotes that I find thought provoking or funny. Today I saw my news feed and it had multiple people who posted advice on how to live. You know, “Don’t judge” or “Don’t compare yourselves to other people” and my favorite this morning was “Forget all the reasons why it won’t work, and remember the reason why it WILL.” It is funny because people will retweet them or like the status…but what if we just lived our quotes?

One of my friends told me that when I write posts like this I am trying to make people feel guilty. His take was that you can’t make people live by their convictions and so you shouldn’t bring it up. That is not at all my intention. I don’t want to make you feel bad because you are not the person you want to be or think you should be. My intention is simply to make you think about what you are doing.

Too often we get caught up in life and end up on auto-pilot. We coast through without thinking about others. It is not intentional (most of the time) and I really believe that most people want to do the right thing and treat others the right way, we just forget sometimes. The problem is that when people read these quotes on what we should and shouldn’t do to others we don’t apply it to our own lives. We instantly think about the person who didn’t treat us right. Or maybe we think about that person in the office who is always judging other people. It is never a problem with “us” because we all know our own intentions. You are aware of how you WANT to treat other people and if for some reason you didn’t treat them right you obviously had good reason.

What I try to do is get you to stop and look inside. Look at your actions, not just your intentions. If we all lived our quotes we could change the world…I will start with myself.

 

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Birthday Stories…via The One, Inc.

My birthday was on Tuesday (11.29). In this age of facebook and Twitter people who don’t really know you get notifications that it is your birthday so they wish you a happy birthday. I decided to try to focus the one day people pay attention to your profile into something that would help people. What I do is ask people to donate $1 to the charity that I choose. It has to be something that I believe in. Something that I know is making a difference with the money that is coming in.

(Skip the last paragraph to find out why this is called BIRTHDAY STORIES if you don’t want to read this whole post)

Previously I had used charities that worked in third-world countries. I picked a group that is helping those who can not get clean water or have no access to the basic things that we take for granted like sanitation and food. In the past year I have become more and more familiar with a man and an organization that is changing lives 30 minutes away from where I live. The One, Inc. is the non-profit organization started by Aaron Reddin.  I met Aaron when I was serving dinner to some of the homeless under the Broadway Bridge in Little Rock. He had pulled up in The Van and was passing out water, blankets and some personal items to anyone who walked up and asked. The Van was something I had heard about. The Van drives into homeless camps and all over town and Aaron, along with other awesome volunteers, pass out basic necessities that people who are homeless need.

The difference between what The One, Inc. is doing and other people trying to help the homeless is that there were no requirements set on people to receive help. I had been working with different organizations and groups downtown since I moved to Arkansas and all of them made people do something. That something was either turn in applications for jobs, sitting through a church service and even paying a certain amount of money (most if not all homeless shelters charge to stay after the first couple days). What I saw with The Van and Aaron was that they helped people exactly where they were. No need to clean up, no need to make steps to change their ways…just ask and you can have whatever was in The Van at that time. If he didn’t have what they needed he would figure out a way to get it and actually come back with it when he said he would come back.

Now you might not agree with that approach. I have had many discussions with many people about that subject. People don’t believe in helping someone who is not on the path to recovery from their additions because then you are enabling them. I simply ask you to take a look from a different side. What if that person is not alive in six months or a year so that they can make that first step in their nine step recovery process? What if someone doesn’t get them a tent, socks, band-aids or water when they need them? Is keeping someone alive more important than making sure that they follow your rules? I say yes. That is why I chose to try to raise support for The One, Inc. this year.

On my birthday my brother (who is a writer) offered to help me raise money. He said he would write a short story for every person who donated money to The One, Inc.  We decided that the person who donates the most money will get a story written by both of us! We then decided to extend the offer for my entire birthday week! We are writing “Birthday Stories” for anyone who donates during this week. You pick the topic, we write the stories. It is as simple as that. We are going on the honor system. If you tell me you donated I will take your word for it. You can send me a message on facebook, a direct message on twitter, you can email me or you can post a comment on here. We’re trying to save lives and help people who need help…and you get a story out of the deal!